Hiya my fellow Slummies!
I must apologise for not blogging much this week, but there's been this 'event' called half-term holidays. So I haven't had time to do much of anything this week, although I did find time to clear out the kids unused or unplayed with toys to sell to raise money for Christmas (that's the joy of single parenthood without financial support for the children! Just sayin.....).
So anyway, that commenced the battle of the toys as they insisted all of them were their favourite toys EVER and they'd apparently waited patiently since last Christmas for me to find them for them. This, as I explained to them, is highly doubtful. Because normally, should any toy go missing that they even vaguely like, hell hath no fury like my child without their toy, they turn into angry spoilt brats; the house, car, and any recently visited places must be turned upside down right this very minute until we find the toy. Finding that toy, holds such elation to me - it means my child thinks I'm the best mum EVER which is always nice to hear (who says mums don't have egos? We do and we like them stroked occasionally!), and I feel like I've won against the hiding toy. At this point I've usually given the toy imaginary personalities because it feels personal....it feels like its hiding on purpose and poking its tongue out behind you while singing "ner ner nee ner ner!". At this point, I want to find the toy, tie it to a chair and submit it to torture. At this point I HATE the toy with every fibre of my being! So they didn't get their old toys that hadn't even been opened....the ungrateful little...ahem.....and I sold them! Hah! Take that! I sold them, what do you think about THAT then eh? Stupid toys. Anyway, the money will go back in the Christmas pot to buy more presents that they can ignore for a year and I can sell next October ready for next years Christmas.
So, that happened this week. Then the other 'event'. Hell-oween. That night of the year that we encourage young children to go round knocking on strangers doors and asking for sweets. Yes, you can see the issue straight away here can't you? We spend 364 days a year telling our kids NOT to go near strangers and most definitely DONT accept sweets from them! No wonder our kids get confused!
So anyway, back to Halloween....there's nothing worse than sitting in and knowing your door knocker is going to be knocked loudly every 10 minutes for a few hours and set the dog off barking, so we did what we always do - we went round someone else's house! My bestie has always hosted Halloween because, quite frankly, she's bloody good at it! This time though, I couldn't afford costumes for their trick or treating (does anyone ever get tricked? I remember years ago, if we had no sweets, we'd get eggs pelted at the door! But they are all so young and polite, they wouldn't know what a 'trick' was if it toilet papered around them), so I decided the only way I could manage to not disappoint my kids was to turn them into zombies, and concentrate on the makeup!
This is where I came into my own! Ever since I got addicted to Pixiwoo - who are makeup artists and post tutorials on YouTube, I started training as a makeup artist. I still hope when my health's better, to be able to do this, although I want to specialise in Bridal Makeup and I don't think the Zombie look is quite what a bride-to-be would be looking for.....but anyway, due to my earlier jaunts I'd managed to amass a fair bit of Special FX makeup goodies, so I could really go to town! As you can see from the picture above. I ended up doing a few other kids who decided they wanted to be zombies too, but I had a whale of a time turning my kids into rotting corpses, far too much fun than I'd like to admit to my kids.....
But the worst bit, well....you use this stuff called Rigid Collodion which tightens as it dries and puckers the skin in, so this looks like a real dented in scar! The kids all loved this effect although I was slightly heavy handed with it. Ahem. Anyway, I hadn't really thought too much on the removal side of thing, using the parent golden rule of "no matter what it is, it will come off with a baby wipe!". It does NOT come off with a baby wipe.
It also does not, unlike instructions to the contrary, come off with alcohol or a 'good soak'. According to the web, you should just be able to peel it off. Which did technically work... What it doesn't mention is that it is stuck so tight to your children's baby fresh skin, that "peeling" it off in fact is slightly misleading - the only way to get it off is by ripping it off! Including a light layer of your child's skin! So, apart from Satan who feels nothing because she's just well 'ard, the two boys ended up crying and wailing and it took a good deal of pinning them down and torturing them to get the bloody stuff off! My friend was doing that thing, you know, where they're looking at you with distinct alarm in their eyes whilst trying to smile encouragingly at the kids, whilst saying quietly between her toothy encouraging fake smile that "oh look, it leaves their skin bright red and looks like a real scar haha" (nervous laughter. I think..). And oh my Lordy, the lines of red that were left on their skin was indeed bright red and did infact look like a real scar! Then, and only at that point, did I remember the distinct instructions for applying rigid collodion to sensitive skins, was to put it on after you'd sprayed their faces with a barrier spray.
I did bring the barrier spray with me, I even had it on the table amidst the piles of brushes and sponges and bruise wheels and white foundation....unfortunately I'd completely forgotten to use it.
Once I'd ripped their skin to shreds, we drove home, with Mental crying and saying his cheeks were still sore, at the same time as all of them turned into hyper sugar monsters whilst simultaneously starting to feel sick and tired. It was a very sombre troup that staggered indoors, I had to apply some repair cream to the kids scar marks, and thankfully this morning they woke up without permanent scars! Phew! Yay me!
They DID look bloody good though, even if I do say so myself! Well, Satan looked pretty much the same as every day, and pretty much acted the same as every day but that's another story for another day!
Happy Hell-oween all, if you have any Halloween stories to share, please do! Anything at all that stops me feeling like the evilest Mummy that ever did live!
I'm going to go and steal candy from my babies now, catch you later Chummies! 😁