Just wondered, theoretically, how inappropriate it is to store all the glue in the fruit bowl, under the bananas, on a scale of 1 to 10?! With number 1 being the most inappropriate and number 10 being the least inappropriate?
I would vote for 10 actually - I can't think of a better place to store harmful substances - the children seem to be physically repelled by some form of forcefield that radiates approx 2 feet around the area of the fruit bowl. I buy fruit every week. See those 2 brown bananas? They were kept out of the other 8 bananas I just put into the compost, to aid with ripening the 10 NEW bananas, which I'll be composting next week. No one ever goes near the fruit bowl. Everything goes to die in that bowl. It's basically a bowl of death and decomposition. It's a fruit bowl of doom.
Now you'd be right to assume that really, I should give up buying fruit as what is the point wasting money and food to sit and watch it slowly decompose. But oh no, the minute I DONT buy fruit, all hell breaks loose and I get demands for fresh fruit and told how unhealthy it is to not have fresh fruit in! I buy fresh fruit every week and watch it rot to mulch. Every. Single. Week.
I personally hate fruit, I'm more of a veg kinda gal. If there is literally nothing edible left in the house (the day before shopping day) and I'm literally so hungry I could eat an actual, real, live horse, I may, just may, consider eating one of the 10 very brown bananas. But only if I'm about to faint from hunger. And if there's no milk left so I can't even have cereal....
Plus the bonus side is if the kids were to actually get to the glue, the chances are they might glue their mouths shut so they can't argue with each other! Win win I'd say! But the layer of rotting bananas mean they will never, ever, in a gazillion years, find the glue. Especially now there are grapes in front of it too! You can put all your valuables in the fruit bowl, not only will the kids not go near it but you NEVER hear of burglars ransacking a fruit bowl! Well, it's not a known burglar activity anyway, they usually go for drawers, cupboards and jewellery boxes! My jewellery box is full of baby teeth and random badges the kids want to keep....but pop all your goodies under the glue in the fruit bowl and not only will you confuse and stun the burglars (unless they're really hungry and decide to eat 10 rotting bananas) and create a huge security safeguard, but your kids will never again spark a hunt for your diamond earrings or favourite bracelet after they've been playing in your bedroom!!
Now THAT'S smart parenting! 😉
I keep coming to bed with no chaos upstairs, and its really confusing for me! I mean, its great that its tidy and the kids haven't spent 2 hours running round Lord of the Flies style trying to kill each other, but on the flip side - I've got no writing material!! 😱😱😱😱
Although Satans tantrum this morning was hysterical - if I hadn't have been sat on the loo I may well have had to reach for the Tena Lady (3 big kids ok??!! You do it and tell me you don't have issues when you cough, sneeze, laugh or bounce on a trampoline, not that I've tried that in the 5 years since I last tried it, that was a bit embarrassing. Ahem!!)
All hell broke loose and Satan started screamed with every ounce of her being, I thought someone was being murdered, I jumped (slowly sauntered) off the loo and flew (slowly sauntered) to the top of the stairs to find out what on earth could be causing this horrendous death-scream!
Did her brothers hit her? Steal her coat? Play Miss Piggy with her school shoes? Pinch her, punch her, pull her head, take the mickey out of her, steal her toy, knock her over, did she hurt herself? What could possibly be the cause for such non-stop loud screaming?
Apparently it was because her brother was looking at her.
Yes, looking at her.
Not giving her a Chinese burn, not pulling her round, not teasing her or pulling pigtails, but merely stood there ready to get in the car and calmly watching youngest and middle child putting their shoes on.
Not even looking at her "the wrong way" as he's been accused of before.
Just looking at her.
She then, 5 year old Shirley Temple style (Google her, no I don't remember her from the first time round, the same as I did not get evacuated during the war - thanks Mental for that question), stood and stamped her feet and screamed at the top of her lungs again!
So I did what all normal parents would do and screamed back at her. She screamed louder! Seriously, it was the loudest I could go, god only knows what the neighbours thought, although I have no pride or dignity left anymore...she carried on screaming.
Normally I would've out-stubborned her but it was late! We needed to go to school!
I had to use every fibre of will power and teeth gritting to politely ask eldest "please just go in the front room a moment so youngest can put her shoes on without you looking at her" whilst giving him the wink and hoping HE didnt kick off. But for once he calmly did so, shoes were put on, coats were on and we were off.
We drove in silence - I felt like a kettle boiling inside....I've no idea where she gets her stubbornness from.....
Dropped them at school. Picked them up after. Went home. All in silence.
And then, when we were home safe and didnt need to leave the house again, she was MINE! I waited til shoes were off, hands washed and then said very calmly "well young lady, for your show of screaming this morning, you're banned." I had a little smile on my face & had to resist sticking my tongue out and saying "ner ner nee ner ner - you thought YOU'D won but you are the looooooooser!!"
She stayed fairly calm and then asked what she was banned from. I told her, everything. Just everything. I awaited the screaming and shouting and "I hate you" and stamping. And I waited. And waited.
When I looked back she was sitting at the table happily accepting her punishment and drawing pictures!?! 😱
I had waited all day, simmering! I waited for her to scream and shout and NOT get her own way because we needed to be somewhere! She was supposed to feel like she'd done wrong and was now facing the consequences! Not sitting singing to herself and being all happy!?
How do they do that?!? I'd been sulking all day like a little kid and SHE was the one that out-calmed me!?!?
She was well behaved and trotted off to bed without being told to, gave me a goodnights kiss, and didn't even once come down the stairs! What is this?! I feel like I'M being punished!
Well, fine! I'm going to stomp off to bed now then! She's laying there looking all angelic, with the room all tidy, you couldn't get further from the screaming harridan of this morning!
Kids - clever enough to outsmart parents every day....I'm so proud 😉