Anyhoo....so as you all know, because I've been moaning all over Twitter and Facebook, I've been ill! Well, still am actually! Was fully expecting the doctor to say "it's just a virus, deal with it and leave me alone to treat genuinely ill people and not hypochondriac wusses!" (Or something a bit more polite!). But no, it was worse! They decided I was genuinely ill, and were "worried" by how quickly this severe chest infection had come on with my history of Pneumonia etc. I hadn't been worried myself until that point, because who wants a doctor to say they're worried?! Still, she popped me on horse pill sized antibiotics which I'm sure will kick in....any day soon....
So, as the doctor said I should be resting and taking it easy, I took this to mean, Film Night!
Once the kids were (finally) in bed, albeit not asleep or anything, generally doing their herd of elephants impression, I treated myself on Sky to The Fault In Our Stars. Oh my good god. SUCH a bad decision! I mean, I'd read the book right? I knew what it was going to be about, but I found the book kind of happy about sad things, if that even makes sense?
I don't want to give away the storyline just incase you have been living in the Sahara Dessert for the last year, or being brought up by apes in the jungle, but you know, I knew there was going to be sad bits in it.
I'm a very emotional person but I hide them well. The last time I cried at a film, I was 7 and watching Watership Down when the rabbit went to bunny heaven. Even though it was clearly a cartoon and not based on a real life story or anything... On the rare occasion that I get a bit teary over something sad on TV, I do that thing where my eyes start blurring and I pull out my lower eyelid to get the tears back in before they get out, or sneeze/blow nose/pretend I have an eyelash in my eye etc. You know what I'm talking about....
So last night I watched The Fault in our Stars, which was very true to the book just incase you're interested. I got to the sad bit. The sad bit I knew was coming. The eyes started watering so, thankful the kids were in bed (although jumping up and down on the bed, but the point being is I had no witnesses, which is the most important thing!), I dabbed the rogue tears with a tissue. And then the girl in the film started sobbing. I sniffed and snivelled and dabbed, desperately determined to end this NOW, and then, it happened. The thing I'd spent all my life dreading. I literally started bawling my eyes out! I mean, I was sobbing! Proper, real life, noisy sobs! Tears would not stop, and then, thanks in no part to my cold fuelled swollen sinuses, snot starting dripping down my face! Actual snot! Tears, mixed with snot, sobbing so hard that I started to dribble too!! I sat with a massive wedge of tissues dabbing fruitlessly at my entire face, to find I just could not stem the flow of ANY of my bodily (facially wise!) fluids! Its like, once I started, I couldn't stop after 33 years of suppressed film induced emotion (having determined since Watership Down I would never let it happen again!). I spent the rest of the film just letting myself sob, snot and dribble, all noisily....whilst hoping none of the kids came downstairs or they would be scarred forever wondering what the hell I was so upset about...once the film ended, I allowed my sobs to subside and sat there in shock at my reaction to this film!
It WAS an amazing film, totally true to the book, but I would strongly recommend watching it on your own unless you want the piss ripped out of you forever by your family members or friends, or scare your kids! I still feel drained today.
I'm hoping its never going to happen again, but am now wondering if, now the floodgates have opened, will this happen with every sad bit in films from now on?! I really hope not! My sinuses were already knackered as it was from the Cold From Hell, sobbing my eyes out did not particularly help!
Watched Maleficent tonight with the kids, knowing that at least I wouldn't cry. Am having to reevaluate every film I watch with them from now on, just incase. How do you explain to your children, whom you've reassured so many times that its "not real", that despite this, you feel the urge to cry at the made up sad film? No wonder kids are screwed up, how confusing are grown ups?!?