This may upset delicate stomachs, clean minds and contains swearing, exasperation, and a fair bit of faeces. I'm sorry, but my job is to be honest.....
As per last nights convo over on Facebook (do 'Like' my page, I promise my conversations are usually much cleaner than this! Honest!) about analytics, search, and the child that pooped and kicked it into a wall (I'm still not getting it but I'm am SO glad it wasn't my child!), and the fact my house is actually called "the house of poo" by many of my friends (I could get paranoid, but everyone here does shit on a fairly regular basis, and including the pets there are 9 living creatures living here, so someone at one point is shitting), there is just no escape!
I'm getting seriously fed up of cleaning up poo!
I thought I was DONE with that, but no....will it ever end?! 😫 Today seriously takes the biscuit....
My dog has had the squits today, about 10 times, all over the hardstand next to my house. My little shovel was not up to the job so I had to scrub the whole place down with soapy water and a brush.
My little kitten who was (WAS!!!) fully housetrained has been ill lately and has been squatting all around the litter tray to poo (when I say poo, I mean foul diarrhoea stuff!) 💩 - there's a poop emoticon here but not a green spewy face?! Anyhoo....
So I think, ok, maybe the other cat's using the tray when she wants to go, so I bought a new litter tray, placed it in the place she's been pooing, on top of a large bedmat just incase, and sat back and awaited a fully continent kitty. However, not only had kitty shit IN the brand new litter tray, she then overlooked the large clean litter tray next to it, scratched the bedmat out of the way, and shat under it. 3 fucking times. 😡
I'm starting to lose my cool....
I then come to bed to find one of my delightful children had snuck into my bed and done a little poop. In my bed. Poo, in my actual bed. It may have been a rabbit dropping, but it was still poop, and it was still in my bed.
I just wanted to go to bed!! 😖
So after a very thorough clean up operation (I'm starting to stockpile spewed on sheets and pooed on sheets, I'm going to run out of sheets!), finally a clean child in a clean bed, I pop for a wee and a tooth brushing. Only, I can't do that, oh no, did you think it would really be that easy?!?
Nope, if course it couldn't be that easy, don't you understand my life yet?! No, another child who suffers from constipation has had his weekly poop, and by poop I mean 2 foot long log. Followed by an entire rainforest worth of toilet tissue. I flushed, pretty hopelessly, and my toilet filled up with water, loo roll and a log. And refused to go down.
So, first port of call. A bucket full of water poured from a great height. Usually enough force to flush the bugger out - its a weekly event. I tried this 10 times and was virtually crying at this point, so I had to bring the big guns out.
The only way it was going down was to plunge the living crap, quite literally, out of the toilet. I plunged, I was splashed with shitty water. I plunged approximately 30 more times before I felt the sweet blessed relief, and noise, of a blockage clearing and sucking the water, loo roll and giant log down so violently I thought there'd be a backlash (or backsplash). But thankfully, it stopped there.
I've now been continuously clearing up shit pretty much all day, but non stop for the last two hellish hours. My hands are like claws, dried out from the vigorous scrubbing in scalding water and disinfectant, many many times, just incase I put my hand near my mouth or anything. And two hours after I started my journey, I can finally go to bed!
What a SHIT day, and nope, do NOT pardon the pun, its what my life is now...
If you ever come to my house, whatever you do, do NOT touch the plunger behind the sink in the bathroom......😱