Hi my Slummy Chummies!
So today I went to watch the youngest's Christmas play at school. They did a play involving various animals, and Satan played a lion, which is apt as she's a little roaring Leo.
When she came home with the note, it said she needed either a Lion outfit or onesie, or a pair of yellow leggings and top. But would my sweet-faced angelic looking cutie pie settle for a pair of leggings and a top? No, of course she wouldn't, how dare I even suggest it?! So I set about looking for a onesie, figuring at least I'd get value for money, as she could wear it in bed. But again, nope. Oh you can find monkey onesies by the bucketload, and the occasional zebra or even leopard onesie, but a lion onesie?! Not a bloody snifter of one. Well, not any that would arrive in time off Ebay from China, or that I could afford without pawning one of my other children. So after thinking "there is no way Im going to one of those online fancy dress shops again because it will cost a fortune and she'll never wear it after", I gave in and trotted over to the online fancy dress websites.
There were a few cheapish lion costumes but of course, none were in her size or even close to her size. Only toddler sized or teenaged children size, none even vaguely close to a size for a 5 year old. So in the end I bought a really expensive outfit from the online fancy dress shop and we had to live on beans for the rest of that week. Which made the atmosphere somewhat unpleasant to breathe...
So anyway, the school play was fab as usual, funny, energetic, cute, emotional, all the things an infant play should be! But the best bit, well, for me it was the best bit, was watching my poor child, after her energetic lion songs and dances, slowly start to rubber neck on the floor mat afterwards. I watched her for a while, thinking along with everyone else, that she was bopping along to the music. Then I noticed her eyes were shut. She was dozing off! She swayed too and fro crossed legged, occasionally woke up and sang half a sentence of a song before flopping forward again, and she rocked closer and closer to the floor until she was almost folded in half on the floor. At this point, and after mild amusement in the first half, watching her picking her nose (with both hands!), this to-ing and fro-ing was just too much for me, and I ended up watching her instead of the play and tried my hardest not to snort with laughter! This is at the same time as thinking "Shit! The teachers are going to think she's tired because I kept her up all night engaged in child labour"....I then realised that was actually Cinderella and went back to trying not to wet myself laughing!
One of her teachers eventually sussed that she wasn't doing some form of funky dancing and picked her up and put her on her knee where she dozed for another 10 minutes, before waking up in the foulest mood ever and refusing to join in the rest of the school play!
Us guys in the front row had a good laugh at her expense though, I like to think that the plus side to all my sleepless nights and sacrificing everything, ever, is free entertainment! So that makes it ok to laugh at my children! Sorry, WITH my children....ahem....
When we got home Satan proceeded to tell me we were having a "Colour off"! When I asked what on earth she was on about, she told me I had to colour Christmas pictures in and she had to colour pictures in, and then we'd see who'd done the best. I tried to tell her that I'd had 40 years, I mean, 30 years of practice and she'd had 5 so it was hardly a fair competition, she wouldn't listen. I told her we didn't have to have a competition, and that colouring in was all about enjoying ourselves and doing exactly what we wanted, because what was the point in art if you have to follow rules? She wouldn't listen.
When she came over to "check up" on my neatly coloured little reindeer, she lost the plot completely because mine was neat and hers wasn't! What was I supposed to do, scribble across everything?! No way, I LOVE colouring in and I'm not making a mess of it just to let my kids think they can illegitimately win colouring competitions! Besides which, I've deliberately lost SO many games just to avoid her wrath that I kinda enjoyed winning for once.....
So, time to bath a tired, ratty lion, a tired, ratty mum, chuck the other two in for a quick rinse and snuggle up and put the Christmas films on, while I continue to watch my 4 cats destroy everything Christmassy in sight! This is what Christmas is all about! Not the bit about my cats destroying my tree and decorations, that's just plain annoying....