Hi there my fellow Slummies!
Haven't been around this week as I've been basically dying of some coldy fluey type bug. Like a cold but with way more suffering! First it was the razor blade throat, then the bunged up, ready to explode sinuses, and just as they start to clear the cough starts. And this is where it becomes evident that I did not do my pelvic floor exercises, as I'm standing hacking up a lung in the playground, whispering to my friend that I just literally nearly wee'd myself! Apparently, when something hideous or embarrassing happens, my brain sends the message to my mouth to tell the whole world about it! Traitor! But with all that, the aching, headache, sweats, well, let's just say it's been a long old week!
I had a few sleepless nights with this cold, and the nights I fell into an exhausted coma, I was awoken by a cat purring and rubbing her arse in my face. Not the nicest way to be woken up to be fair! I'd much rather a coffee, some toast, maybe even the Milk Tray Man (oooh a man that goes to the ends of the earth to bring me chocolate! Give me that over cats arses any day!).
For those of you thinking "gah you wuss!" I have issues with colds and coughs due to declaring nearly 3 years ago that I had a 'bit of a sniffle', only to find myself in an ambulance the next day, CHRISTMAS bloody day I might add, being rushed to hospital with Pneumonia and Pleurisy! It was all a nightmare and I literally nearly karked it, its all very boring so I won't waffle on, but it did involves one septic lung, one pierced artery, an internal bleed and my back cut open to remove a brick sized blood clot and black septic tissue peeled off my blackened, collapsed lung. Oh and a month in hospital. My life is just one long party! Anyway, colds make me really ill now, coughs make me wish they'd just removed my lung and stuck a freezer bag in instead!
So anyway, I've literally been shocking in the parental department this week, the kids have been surviving on biscuits and toast and generally taking advantage by stealing lots of food out of the snack cupboard and doing all the naughty things I don't let them do. Because to be frank, moving is like running 10 miles at the minute, but without the health benefits!
So this morning after dragging a brush through the kids hair and just about making sure they were dressed, and vaguely clean(ish), I slumped in sweaty exhaustion just prior to the school run (oh more hell!). Suddenly, out of the blue, Satan, my long awaited blonde girl who I couldn't wait to dress up and braid hair and do girly sparkly things with, who then decided to be a tomboy and would only wear her brothers clothes (including pants. There's just something so wrong about wearing your brothers pants!), asked me to put her hair up.
You've no idea how long I've waited to put a pony tail in and hair clips! So why did she have to ask when I could barely lift my own hands?! I did the best I could. It was fairly neat, shiny, bouncy....it lifted my heart to finally have my little girl with pretty hair! Then I picked her up after school. Judging by her appearance, someone had pulled her along a mud covered path by her hair, then rubbed some leaves in it, whilst standing in the middle of a hurricane back combing it. Bad hair was not the word! Poor girl clearly has inherited my frizz prone mop (which looks like an actual mop. Not one of those spongy square ones, the good old fashioned white string mops). And now, now I get to do it again tomorrow and try and sort out the candy floss she comes home with! Here's a little pic which doesn't show the true hell of her hair thanks to the very forgiving flash! But you get the idea, right?
The rest of this strange week will be making it onto my pages when I have more strength in my fingers.....just getting the knots out of Satans hair has half killed me! And my joie de vivre has vanished into the bin along with about 5 snotty, used loo rolls! So I'm currently about as much fun as a monk in a brothel (a monk that doesn't want to be in a brothel that is, obviously some of them actually DO want to be in a brothel, even though theyre not supposed to actually want to - I am most definitely NOT that monk!).
Oh God, I can feel a coughing fit about to start, I need to run! With my legs crossed!! 😳
Coming next time......pictures of cats.....