As I was being woken up by the cats this morning, purring all over me, nudging me and wanting cuddles and generally making a big old fuss of me, it occurred to me how much nicer to you cats are, than kids.
First, I need to mention I have 4 cats (and a dog but he has the IQ of a sprout so he doesn't count. He also smells like one a lot of the time but I digress...), and 3 kids. Now, on the 2nd cat, that's right, cat no 2, people started calling me Crazy Cat Lady. Then on getting my third, people looked AT me crazy, raising their eyebrows to show how clearly crazy they thought I was, whilst calling me Crazy Cat Lady but it occurred to me that when I'd had 3 kids, no one called me Crazy Kid Lady or told me I was clearly insane! Why is that? Cats are a lot easier than kids to look after! But are they? I don't know. I mean, if you put it down on paper, are you crazier having 4 cats, or 3 kids? So it made me stop and think for a minute....
So, cats wake you up much nicer than kids in the morning do. Nice purrs and cuddles Vs "Mum, I want Ready Brek NOW!", "Mum, Mental just pinched Sensible and stole his Lego head!", "Mum, Sensible said I can't have the blue bowl for breakfast and I want the blue bowl or I'm leaving home!", "Mum, can you wipe my bum? I've made a real mess!" And so on...
BUT cats poo. A lot. And they can't wipe their bums, nor do they flush it away down the loo and wash their paws with antibacterial soap. Nope, they poop in litter trays (if you're lucky and they haven't misjudged), sometimes out of litter trays, and you have to go excavating with the little trowel until you've scooped it all into little bags, at which point you have to brave the cold and rain (I live up North, it rains daily. Hourly mostly) to chuck it in the outdoor bins!
BUT kids vomit a lot. And they do it everywhere, and especially on carpets and bedding, resulting in an entire bed strip down in the middle of the night. When cats vomit, its usually a furball, and is small, in one area, and takes a simple wipe and a few squirts of Dettol. And it doesn't even look like sick!
BUT cats need feeding cat food. Cat food is basically the work of the devil, it smells BAD and its the only thing that comes out looking the same as it went in. This happens on a regular basis and the messy buggers usually end up with it all over the rug. Whereas preparing kids food is so much nicer and you can have a little nibble while you're doing it! And the kids sometimes are quite grateful and say thank you, whilst cats push everyone out of the way, wolf their food and then usually poop it straight back out, resulting in the lovely clearing up of poo, again.
BUT kids need lots of entertaining. Your average cat is happy to loll around on a bed, licking itself, purring for no reason, or playing with a balled up piece of tinfoil. I'm pretty sure if I gave the kids a piece of foil to play with and told them to go and sleep all day I would be met most likely with a punch from Satan, and withering looks from Sensible...Mental would probably do it, giggling away to himself all day to be honest.
Cats love to sit on your knee without asking for a single thing, happy just to be cuddled and stroked, demanding nothing more than a therapeutic massage, which is generally quite a quiet and stress free affair for their owners too! Whereas with kids, by 7pm everyone has had enough and then melts down and the kids have to be sent to bed for everyone's sanity. I've never had to send a cat to bed or put it on the naughty step.
So reading all these, it kind of sounds like cats are better than kids, right? They don't answer back, they massage you, you stroke them producing hormones apparently which combat stress, but on the other hand they poo a LOT, have to be rescued occasionally from the conservatory roof, and their breath is pretty disturbing.
Kids whine, moan, argue, fight, hit, pinch, punch, wake you up by hitting you in the face with plastic objects (or metal ones such as bike pumps - thanks for that Mental, I'm never letting that one go!), spew ON you, make a mess, demand constantly, cost a fortune and leave you tired, stressed and grey!
BUT there's one thing cats can't do that our little humans can. Even with all the bad stuff, when we are exhausted and at the end of our tether, kids have the power to make everything seem totally okay when they wrap their warm, squidgy arms around your neck, squeeze you hard and whisper "I love you, you're the best Mummy in the whole world, ever, and I love you to the moon and back!". THAT'S when kids rule, that's WHY kids rule....as much as we love our cuddly fur babies, there is nothing in the world like a cuddle and kiss and a few loving words from our little tiny humans. Kids RULE!