Hi there my fellow Slummies!
Well I don't know about you, but in this run up to Christmas, the amount of chores and "To Do's" become so long & time consuming that you end up going to bed just before you get up - which is pants in anyone's world, and I really REALLY need my beauty sleep! I need a crap load of plastic surgery to be honest, but lets be realistic - if I can't afford the mortgage I need just to pay my Gas & Electricity (£170 a month! A MONTH!! Its not like we live in a mansion either!), plastic surgery is looking increasingly unlikely. So, I really NEED my beauty sleep, oh and cake. Nothing reverses ageing like cake. Its true. It makes you fat, admittedly, but that's how it reverses ageing - my little wrinkles are all plumped out now! You can roll me down the street mind, but I can look younger while I'm rolling!!
Anyway, the point I was getting to (eventually) is just how crazy home life becomes, there is just NO time! Its like people expect you to have had 12 months in which to prepare for the sudden unexpectedness of Christmas! Ahem.....
So tonight, I was flagging just thinking about what I had to do, so I thought, ok, I need to take some shortcuts here. One simple one was thinking what a good plan it would be to shower the kids instead of bathing them! Now bathing them can be fairly quick, unless its a hair wash night. My youngest acts like you're trying to disembowel her instead of washing her hair, she flips right out. I have no idea why, but its the bane of my life. So tonight was hair wash night and I thought, stuff it, a shower will be quicker and easier and much less stress on my completely knackered back! I told the kids this, to be met with a tantrum from Satan who proceeded to cry like I'd asked her to burn all her My Little Ponies & feed Barbie to the dog. I told her she could have a girly bath with Mummy's expensive bath bomb on Friday, followed by christmas films in cuddly robes and she gave in. I'm so not happy that she's stealing my bath bomb though, I'm on rations here!
So I proceeded to chuck the kids in the shower, but having not been fond of showers & therefore tending to stick only to baths, they didn't quite seem to know what to do and spent the whole time trying to avoid the water, which makes showering pretty difficult....they just didn't GET it ("But Mummy, the waters getting on me!"). They have had showers before, mainly at the swimming pool, they know how it works! But apparently what was a great adventure at Butlins, was child torture at home. Which reminds me of the stupidest thing I ever heard - once on a holiday abroad, I jumped (stepped in slowly & was a right old woman before that freezing chest dunk which makes you gasp like a fish) into the outside swimming pool. All the others who came with us were about to do the same, all standing there in their swimming cozzies, when it started to rain. As they grabbed towels and legged it indoors, I shouted out to them "Where are you going? Aren't you going to come in?", I received the reply "Oh, no chance, its raining! We don't want to get wet!" And they all ran inside! Now, forgive me for being a bit thick, but surely, when you get in a swimming pool, you GET WET!!?? Or am I missing the point? I stayed in, it was lovely, but how daft do you have to be?! Don't see them anymore, holding a conversation was like talking to a brick wall! Except I got more intelligent answers from the wall...😉
By Satans turn, I was dripping from head to toe, sweating profusely, with severely frizzy humid hair. Satan proceeded to freak out when any water touched her, and stood sobbing while I felt like the worst mother in the world, rather than a Mum just trying to get her kids clean and shiny! I admit to probably leaving a fair bit of conditioner on her hair because the whole concept of putting her head under the shower head just completely bypassed her & led to actual screams. I mean, I wasn't trying to force them into child labour or anything, it was just a shower! How can a shower be so traumatic?! For me I mean, I'm mentally scarred from the whole episode, Satan just pretty much hates everything randomly. At least she's not prejudiced though, she hates equally and indiscriminately! Finally dragged her kicking and screaming OUT of the shower and as I was stood there with a small child, who was sobbing and giving me evil looks with snot dripping down her face onto my best towel (the others are in the washing queue...), wiping my sweaty, red, tomato-like face with the snotty towel, feeling sweat trickle down my back and poorly muscles hurting, with a soaking wet T-shirt and a bathroom covered in water, I concurred that perhaps, just maybe, I might just stick to baths in the future!
Although, to be fair, as much as I now needed my own shower to recover from the hot, steamy, sweaty, sauna-like bathroom struggle, technically, the showers did take less time than bathing! Technically.
I don't have the energy now for a shower so think I'll go for a long soak in the bath, the chores can wait! Oh, the irony....
P.S. don't forget to enter my Big Christmas Giveaway! It's pretty fab even if I do say so myself!